Like that move, what's it called...
OK, so last night the whole spider thing went from annoying to very very crazy (a man's way of saying scary).
Apparently momma wasn't too happy about the murder of her some 127 odd children so she decided to pay a visit to jonas while he was in the shower. That's right kids, a large, hairy spider the size of my hand dropped from the ceiling and challenged me to a duel. Which I accepted with all of the solemnity and poise that such an encounter dictates. I screamed a war cry of "AIEEEEEEEEEYAH!" and smote the mighty beast with my flip flop. For future reference I now refer to my right flip flop as Fliptor of Columbia That Inspires Fear in the Hearts of Spider. There I stood naked and wet, and yelling like a madman. I was very hyped and it was hard to sleep.
I awoke at five needing to take a trip to the bathroom, but I had a very bad feeling about this...inspired by five hours of nightmares and phantom spider bites. So I took Fliptor and entered the Den of Spiders, and there, as I suspected, crawled the biggest #@$%$^$%@#$ spider I have ever seen just above the toilet. The jerk was waiting for me. Clever as I am I took down his guard by pretending to be Steve Erwin and saying things like "I'm not going to hurt you." Then I betrayed the things trust as I heaved Fliptor again and again.
The next morning I took the carcasses to my landlord and said, "what are these?" He replied, "Oh, tarantulas...we get those sometimes."
"Ah, and should they bother me?"
"Nah, mostly they're just scary looking"
"So they're not poisonous"
"Well, yeah"
"They are?"
"Yeah a little"
"A little?"
"They won't kill you, just make you sick..."
I am moving today.
Apparently momma wasn't too happy about the murder of her some 127 odd children so she decided to pay a visit to jonas while he was in the shower. That's right kids, a large, hairy spider the size of my hand dropped from the ceiling and challenged me to a duel. Which I accepted with all of the solemnity and poise that such an encounter dictates. I screamed a war cry of "AIEEEEEEEEEYAH!" and smote the mighty beast with my flip flop. For future reference I now refer to my right flip flop as Fliptor of Columbia That Inspires Fear in the Hearts of Spider. There I stood naked and wet, and yelling like a madman. I was very hyped and it was hard to sleep.
I awoke at five needing to take a trip to the bathroom, but I had a very bad feeling about this...inspired by five hours of nightmares and phantom spider bites. So I took Fliptor and entered the Den of Spiders, and there, as I suspected, crawled the biggest #@$%$^$%@#$ spider I have ever seen just above the toilet. The jerk was waiting for me. Clever as I am I took down his guard by pretending to be Steve Erwin and saying things like "I'm not going to hurt you." Then I betrayed the things trust as I heaved Fliptor again and again.
The next morning I took the carcasses to my landlord and said, "what are these?" He replied, "Oh, tarantulas...we get those sometimes."
"Ah, and should they bother me?"
"Nah, mostly they're just scary looking"
"So they're not poisonous"
"Well, yeah"
"They are?"
"Yeah a little"
"A little?"
"They won't kill you, just make you sick..."
I am moving today.
posted by jonas at 7:53 PM
4 Comments:
I have to say, Jonas, that you are becoming quite the Renaissance Man- what with the travelings and slayings and all.
as I recall, that tarantula bit you too...
Makes me think that I need to buy flipflops to use as weapons in a case of emergency. Although they mightn't have been as effective against the guy who wanted to break into our apartment as they were against the tarantulas.
its all a big lie. there was no big scary spider, was there jonas? was there? lie! lier! pretender!
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